Life :- Faith lost and Found 

​Walls of the Hospital has heard more prayers than any shrine. The cry of mortals echoed through the corridors.They think they can defeat it, Stupid mankind. Death is inevitable. 


What can we do? We can just extend the misery and give false hopes, because what has to go will go. We rise from the dust and will perish into it one day.
I joined Medical school to pursue career in medicine as a doctor. But death wasn’t scared of these man-made gods, helplessness crept into them too. Faith is weak, people easily lose it. I didn’t realise it until one day, life took it upon itself to teach me a lesson and break my ego, my pride, my faith, in science.  
Wrinkled twitching face, piercing grey eyes, still as smart as he ever will be….as he looked at me, lying on the bed, bed-ridden like a injured lion. I haven’t seen or met a man as strong as my grand pa. His voice inhumanly deep and stern. I was actually quite shocked to hear, someone in his condition having such a strong command. He’s almost 92 now, suffering from 52% both kidney failure, with a pacemaker,  damaged clavicle and broken femur. 

He couldn’t move one side of his body, and yet the charisma and positive vibe that emanates from his face never lessened. It’s been six months already since my grand Ma passed and since then his health has faltered quite a bit,as if he’s been shrinking day by day. There’s a major surgery, I overheard one of my relative saying….all the faces in the room were dull and grey. He didn’t even wince, expressionless, stone cold. “Chances of survival are really less, endangered” ,continued my relative. I could feel back of my hair rising and chills running through my body. I kept looking at him, almost as if looking for a sign of weakness. Soon, I realised it’s us who should be pitied, cause he was ready for what’s to come, and we were looking for different ways to sympathise with him. 

I was scared losing someone….I mean the thought of seeing him there and next moment he isn’t it made me nauseous and tremendously scared. I being a medical student started googling everything online, all the results pointed on only one thing Death. I tried avoiding the next few meetings with my Grandpa, although he and I are very close but it just seemed apt not to meet him anymore. It made me comfortable as if almost preparing for his departure. I tried not to think about life and death stuff anymore but to no avail. I just kept on realising how powerless we are, that we can’t save our own kind. I felt the guilt.  
The day of surgery came sooner than expected. I went with him on that day, keeping one hand on his shoulder thinking whether I am comforting him or myself. Gloominess haunted the place, I could see tears being held back, emotions controlled. A team of doctors came and surrounded him, I held his hand for one last time then he was taken away from me.
Saw my mom whimpering….couldn’t hold back my tears, warm stream of tear felt against my cold skin comforting yet painful. I lost my faith in almost everything in God , Satan , good , bad…nothing it was nothing I went blackout. I didn’t want to believe anyone or listen to anyone. No one i thought could help us.
However I realised, whatever time we spend here with our own kith and kin we have just one job spread love as much as possible, because what’s in fate will be done. Neither I can change it nor anyone else. Grand Pa survived that surgery and returned back, he’s recovering from his wounds, I see the fight of will and death daily in his eyes, his reason to live is us, our hope is “he”. 

Doctors without an argument are the closest resemblance of god, they work for our survival, with the help of them sometimes fate is written all over again. Faith returned-restored, no matter how hard it is to believe, I never lost it again, have immense faith in  power of optimism. 
I continue my medical school, hoping to change some fates some day, hoping to see happiness in those gloomy eyes of the ICU.
P.S.

Picture courtesy :- To me myself. It’s of the hospital where my Grandpa was admitted.

 

Advertisements

LOVE : DECODED

Love is one of the most hyped and traitorous word used now a days. People use it so often and deceivingly, that it has lost its true meaning.

“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”

― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

There is actually no such thing as, one true love, the first kiss, the knight in the shining armor, all those stories, poems written on love just makes it more difficult for people to understand it. All these books, movies, and sitcoms have made it so godly that couples who are together for years start questioning the authenticity of their relationship, whether they are truly in love or not.

I’ve had my share of good and bad relationships and there are quite a few things, that I understood after getting screwed up. Firstly, never expect a lot. Generally what people do is that they keep expecting much more than what their partner has to offer. In this way they forget to appreciate and cherish what is with them, leading to further rifts in the relationships. Secondly, EGO, it’s like the terminator bound to kill John Conner. Ego never dies. It just keeps pinching you and telling you that you are superior than your significant other. But, No. You are equal, your relationship is the proof that you respect your partner. Understand them and help them in any way possible. Never let ego come between your love.

Recently I was having this discussion about ‘True Love’ with a friend of mine, and he gave me a very beautiful theory (All the credit to him! ). The theory is called “Three Pies Of Love” , he explained that for a healthy and long lasting relationship one should complete the full circle of love. If the pie is not completed it leads to affairs, unhappiness and further more problems. So its like this :-

The First Pie (Intellect)  :-  In relationship people look for partners with same mentality and  commonness, matching intellect and someone to talk with, someone to support them and guide them.

The Second Pie (Emotion) :-  When we talk about emotions, it means a person who is with their partner during his/her emotional needs, sadness, happiness, Understands them. Do not be afraid to talk your heart out with your significant other, it will not scare them it will just make them lot more closer to you.

The Third Pie (physical intimacy) :- Lot of people do not understand the need of physical intimacy in a relationship, believe me it plays a major role, if you and your partner are physically compatible its blissful. Be open about your physical needs with your partner, after all its just the two of you. Do not be shy with them it just makes them more conscious and things would not end well.

Transparency is the key to happiness in Love, make you partner feel that they are wanted, So it actually works, this is the circle of much more realistic love, and yes find someone worth living the rest of your life with.lou

“Here it’s safe, here it’s warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you.”

 Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

Keep loving peeps.

p.s. “Pie Theory Credits” goes to my good friend Paritosh Hatolkar.

A little bit of Doon in Me

img_20131016_135418img_20131013_161950dsc_0011This is my first blog, and it’s about a place where I have spent the better part of my life my childhood.

Dehradun, name itself gives me a smile anytime it crosses my mind. It’s in the womb of the mountains surrounded by forest. This city has captured my heart and doesn’t matter where I go what I do, I always want to end up here.

I still remember the cold mornings… crisp cold breeze blowing, almost combing my hair, while my mum packs my tiffin for the school. I used to  walk all the way to the school jumping around the puddles, Morning was greeted by chirping birds and green moss all on the side of the road with faint smell of the soil (which by the way is refreshing). Every morning was a joyous time with a lot of hustle and bustle of getting ready for school running around and the sun it shined shyly through the clouds….and the snow clad mountains of Mussoorie appearing gold in first few rays of sun.

Mussoorie is 30km from Dehradun, and it’s like my second home, it’s called the ‘Queen of Hills’, which is really apt because the beauty of nature and scenic views they just never leave you. A part of me always longs to stay there forever between the mountains and forest while they sing to you there songs, another reason why I love these two places is because of Mr Ruskin Bond, as a matter of fact my favourite author but his writings has always been showing glimpses of Dehradun and Mussoorie. Hence whenever I am away from these places I always carry his books cause they keep me close to my hometown.

Not just the beauty, the food, the life, the quietness, and that connection feeling of oneness with nature it just mesmerizes your soul and traps it within the beauty of gargantuan mountains.

Now that I have left Doon behind, its memories still haunt me everyday. I make  plans to go and visit it again but Alas! Time catches up with all of us, I guess! Race against time has begun and it does not stops for anyone, those careless days of life are over and the race against time has begin. But, time it never changes in Doon, its been the same….same as I imagined it to be,

same as I was born in it, and same as I will perish there.

Miss you Doon.

Wish to be back soon.

Picture credits :-  Me And My Dad